Brush with Death

Gotcha with that title, didn't I? In reality, it was more like an instant of 'holy crap'. With your interest piqued (it is, right?) I'll commence with the story.

This past Saturday, the wife and I decided that our shutters on the house needed a fresh coat of paint. Our mailbox was tired and needed to be replaced, as well. So, we decided to take the day and fix both of them.

Around 10am we went to the local Home Depot to pick out some colors for the shutters and the new black mailbox that we bought. We had picked out a basic mailbox with the intent of painting it to match... blah blah blah who cares? You still haven't heard my 'holy crap' moment.... I'm getting there. Flash to 11:30, and I'm pulling down the shutters for the wife to clean, and then together we paint.

I had pulled down about 5 out of 10 of the shutters when something that can only be described as 'weighty' crawled quickly on to my hand. Instantly identifying the shape, I whipped my hand to shake it free. Heart pounding, I raced inside to grab a container to catch it (I'm such a kid) and examine it to find out if it was what my mind thought it was.

Yes. My late night sessions watching Animal Planet and paying attention in school (yes, I did occasionally do that) paid off. That black 'weighty' thing that crawled on my hand was a black widow. Surprisingly, I had my 'holy crap' moment; it wasn't a holy-crap-my-pants though.

I lived, and so did my little killer. I took the pictures, then walked it up the street a bit, then deposited it in one of the storm drains on the street.

Nap Time

So, I've taken up a new hobby at my current job. I am the unofficial, official, nap police. Let me pause here for my past work environment and job ethics....

In past jobs, I am used to people who are lazy. People who come across as unconcerned about the overall future progress of the company. People that kill the joe and don't make some 'mo. People that decide to keep entire spice and condiment racks in their office, which happens to be 3 doors down from the private kitchenette in the office (complete with a family sized Mrs. Butterworth's). I'm used to people who are habitually tardy to work. These same people are never late to functions while at work, and so engaged in them that it was shocking to me.

In my new position at my new job, the above 'quirks' do not exist. People are up-front, punctual, and motivated. I've gone Yang, when I'm so used to Ying. To complete the cycle it seems fine to come in 20 minutes late. It's accepted if you need to leave, answer a phone call, complete other work, or start an entire new meeting with the current members... all during a meeting. and last its totally OK to just fall asleep in a meeting, be it large or small. Even if you snore. Its not uncommon to see drool. No one seems to care.

So, back to reality (oops there goes gravity); I've taken it upon myself to take pictures of these people. I have about 20. Its kinda like that late 90's fad Pokémon; I have to catch them all. To date, I've got people nodding, people pretending to be reading their crackberries, and people "resting" on the palm of their hand. I've seen them slouch down in the chair, prop it against the wall, or put their heads over the back pad in an awkward 90-degree-neck-angle. I've seen droolers, snorers, and that odd person that does the nod-then-look-surprised-then-amused thing. Some with head-in-hands examining their shoes, cuddled up like they have a blanky, and nearly spooning the person next to them. Mouths open like a bird bath, glasses slid all the way down their face like an old man and a newspaper on sunday. Shit.. I've even seen people come to them in slippers!

I don't know what it takes to build a work culture that accepts this, but damn its funny. I suppose I do this to avoid becoming one of the sleeping herd. Who cares though? The best part about all this is people are starting to look at me like some sort of NARC. Which means I tend to have open chairs next to me, which means I have more room. So... all good. Just... hilarious.

**Unfortunately (for you) I won't be posting the pics, as the eyes are a big part of the proving sleep; and thats the one thing you have to censor with out having permission from the person to post. Trust me, it happens. Every meeting. Without fail.

Mother Nature says....

Your Car is NOT Compact enough!!1!
With the recent heavy storm in the area, a colleague of the wife's got a little extra "precipitation" than the rest of us did. Luckily for them, it doesn't look like they got too badly crunched, when up close. Luckily for me, I bought that iPhone to be able to take this shot.

Wal*Farts

So yeah... I've never been a fan of this place. I have always hated the narrow aisles. I have always hated the cheap plastic carts that feel like they were designed for people 1/4 my size plus you can never find one with that 'good cart' feel; don't look surprised, you know exactly what I'm talking about!. I've always hated that the majority of people that shop in my area never have a full head of teeth. It has always been the epitome of what disgusts me.

Over-sized people.
Under-sized carts.
Over-sized lines.
Under-sized aisles.
Over-sized store.
Under-sized prices.

It is not just me, and it is probably the worst ratio of things to put into a store and market but women seem to love it. Just about every individual man I have ever talked to feels just about the same way. Plus, it never really felt right 'feeding the monster'.

Well, I guess someone there took note. We just had one of the Super-biggun-Wal*farts open up close to me. So, not only can you buy some clothes and unnecessary off-brand 3-lb bags of crunchies, but you can do it along with your regular shopping and auto parts. Oh yeah, and you can also pick up some electronics, flowers, and curtains to decorate your home, too! Yippie!

Jokes aside... this one has normal-people carts and aisles. There is enough room that I can steer clear of the behemoths that are frequent shoppers and their fe-mullets.

Next to that off-brand SPAM, you can actually find a Deli stocked with real meats and cheeses. Next to "Bob's VCR" you can find a legitimate Blu-ray player. And next to that gamble-of-a-box Spartans... you can buy a real gladiator in a Trojan.

So, I may still get that skin-crawling-I'm-going-to-catch-a-disease feeling when I walk in, at least I know I won't leave totally pissed off, which I guess is good enough for me.

Expectations of a Call Center Analyst

The phone rings and a call is logged. Having called into many different call centers, and worked on four in my life; I will try to accurately depict my outlook on the way a help desk ticket lives within a business. Know now that this is merely my opinion and is based in my reality, alone.

From an end user, or customer, stand point, I typically call in frustrated that whatever it is I am trying to do is not working. I know my tone comes across agitated and annoyed. I expect that the person on the other end of the phone will not only be able to deal with this, but do so with an audible smile.

From a technician, or analyst, stand point, I answer the phone with my best ‘voice’ on; something someone close to me calls “giving good phone”. I know that the person on the other end of the phone has been set back in what ever they are doing due to a technical problem. I expect that they will be upset and frustrated, and expect that I am both savvy and courteous.

This is the way that all of my dealings go, and the way I will always expect them to transpire. Despite this knowledge, I still find myself dreading both ends of the transaction. I suppose that I should take respite in the fact that most of incoming calls I can handle, or at least know where to turn for assistance. I suppose my expectations should remain the same.